This Thing Called Love.

The just of this crazy thing called life is I have 3 children.  They are the very best part of my husband and I.  They are free spirits, wanderers, soulful, beautiful little beings that have completely turned my world upside down and right side up.  They are:

Anabelle

Lennon

Tiger

and they are magic to me.

In an effort to remain consistent in my blogging I will take you back to the beginning...  

I always knew I wanted children.  "When I have kids we are going to run free in the grass and have not a care in the world".  I had it all figured it out.  And we all know whats happens when we "have it all figured it out", don't we?  Or is it just me...?  ahem...  well, for me, having it all figured out meant I didn't know a damn thing and I was about to get hit head on with a big ole' dose of reality.  Stupid reality.   I had no idea that having fertility issues/trouble conceiving and worrisome pregnancies were only the beginning of a life filled with worry, doubt, concern and fear.  I was certain that once my babies were born we were past that part and I would be able to move on to the life I had always imagined.  Again, I thought I had it all figured out.  Why was I so sure of myself?  Well, the truth is I wasn't.  I had no idea what I was doing.  I had these little itty bitty lives in my hands and it was up to me to keep them alive, nourish them, love them, heal them, hold them, nurse them and reassure them and keep them close.  I knew enough to know that when my babies cried I would go to them.  When they needed to be held I would hold them.  When they were hungry or just needed comfort I would nurse them.  When they needed sleep I would nurse them to sleep or lay beside them until they closed their eyes and drifted into a sleep that was the most beautiful thing to watch.  And watched them I did.  I was a mere spectator in this thing called life and I quickly graduated to a full time participant in this thing called love.  Ready to do whatever it took to keep my babies safe.  Even when it was completely out of my control.  

When Anabelle was a baby I was so careful.  "Don't dress her too warmly", "keep her warm", "be careful with her head"...  Gosh.  I was a bit much, I admit.  First time parenting is so (effing) hard.  I was sure to take her to her monthly well checks and stayed on track with all the monthly developmental milestones to ensure she was following along.  I "had it all figured out".  And then something happened.  A Dr's appt. that literally changed my life.  Anabelle must have been about 4 months and we were finishing up an appt with usual questions/recommendations/expectations.  And in the midst of it all my husband asked the question that permanently imprinted in my brain.  Three little words that I never thought about... "What about Autism"?