We celebrated every milestone in the Kornick household. No matter how big or small, it was a growth in a positive direction and worthy of praise. One step forward was always something I longed for and when it happened, even in the slightest of ways I felt so relieved. So grateful. And then I would watch and wait until the next step. Almost obsessively.
While Anabelle was working so hard on her speech I was determined to not have to go through this again with another child, (like it was my choice). I brought Lennon to every speech session in the hopes that he would somehow benefit from sitting there and hearing the lessons, (why not, right?). During Lennon's infancy I did not have any concerns that prompted me to start any early interventions. Other than the fact that he was the opposite of Anabelle in that he was up more often to nurse at night, needed to be held constantly and babbled like crazy there were no "red flags" in his early behavior. He was alert, had great eye contact, smiled at me when I smiled, etc. Everything an infant was "supposed" to do. I have read and been told about so many developmental charts my brain feels like it just might explode. While Anabelle was making great strides at speech, Lennon was happy to watch from the sidelines... as long as he was nursing or snacking. I could take that kid anywhere if I had his favorite snack to occupy his time so I could focus on not losing Anabelle. She was a runner and I would often need a friend or family member to accompany me if I went to the park or the mall (or anywhere) because of my worry about Anabelle running away while I was nursing Lennon or tending to him. It was always about Anabelle. And I mean that in a good, not negative way. I was just so worried about her and scared to death that she would run in the street or into some strangers arms, which was not far fetched considering she would often times ask strangers for their food or try to share her food with them.
Lennon cruised the developmental chart, month by month. Sat up around 5 months, cruised around 9 months, walked around 13 months, smiled, laughed, waved and was a very happy baby. His favorite food was beans. Pinto beans. He was on the right path and I was feeling so good about the fact
fact that we were seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with the interventions for Anabelle.
It wasn't until Lennon's 2 year approached that I began to see the signs. Again. He had words, but not as many as he "should". And he was also not stringing 2-3 words together. He was aware of his surroundings and I always knew what he wanted, however he too had a hard time communicating his feelings. And he too was a screamer. I had so many days where I questioned everything and wondered why and how and obviously it was something I did to have TWO children with concerns. Nothing could ever be "normal", right? I began to just avoid public situations. I remember one time I took Anabelle to an indoor bounce house near my house. I walked in with both kids, sat Lennon down with his snacks and went to play with Anabelle. She freaked out. Screaming and crying. It turned out the loud fans in the bounce house seriously affected her and I didn't realize it until that moment. Lennon didn't even get a chance to play. He just sat there, eating his snacks while I tried to calm Anabelle. And then we left. And I was at an all time low, feeling like there was nowhere for me to go where I wasn't worried about losing a child, where my children wouldn't be scared or where people wouldn't stare at them or question their "weird" behavior. I clearly lacked the confidence as a parent to stand up for my children. Mainly because I was still so full of questions and seeking answers. Now for both of my children. There had to be some place for me to go... Someone who would understand and be supportive. I know I had the support of a handful of friends, and that it was more me. More the fact that I was afraid of how people would interpret my children and that by me constantly translating for them they might begin to question their development also. And then I remembered the great advice the behavioralist gave me when she came to my house. Find a great preschool for Anabelle. One where she would be in a low teacher:student ratio. One where she would be allowed to explore and learn through play. And one where she would be supported and loved. So, when Anabelle was a few months shy of her 3rd birthday and Lennon was just over a year I enrolled her in a local family owned preschool that welcomed us with open arms and made us feel like we were apart of the family. Light in sight...
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